Executive Corner: Check Your Calendar – Do Your Appointments Reflect What You Said You Would Do in Your New Year’s Resolutions?
When you started the year, just two short months ago, you probably made some resolutions. The goals had action steps. You determined they were important to making 2008 a great year.
As the flowers are blooming and spring is in the air, it's a great time to go back and look at what you said you would do. These are promises you've made to yourself! Don't wait before you start putting activities on the calendar!
Break up the big goals into smaller steps. For example, if you want to develop better presentation skills, identify an event coming up and put more practice time on the calendar prior to that meeting. If your goal is to develop a communications plan for a new initiative, set up a meeting with your team to brainstorm ideas. What gets on the calendar gets done. It's as simple as that.
One way to track whether your busy lifestyle is actually supporting your growth and development is to look at your calendar. See if the appointments there represent action steps on major goals. You won't believe what a powerful sense of control you feel when you are making progress toward those goals and the evidence is there on your daily planner.
On the other hand, if you note that many of your appointments and much of your time is getting frittered away on things that are not moving you toward your goals, that's a big red flag. Take a step back, evaluate some of those regular meetings and activities and determine if you can do something different with that time. Make sure what you are doing is aligned with those priorities.
Here are some action steps you can take right now to get on track.
- Highlight every appointment that you dread, doesn't feel right - or doesn't move you ahead on a top priority;
- Delegate, delete or delay every single one you possible can;
- Leave a blank space there, for now;
- Take 25% of that time and allocate it to top priority action items related to goals;
- Block off another 25% and call it: strategic time (you will use it later, as appropriate);
- Leave the rest entirely blank, because other priority projects will come up and you want to have the white space to do them;
- Now step back and breathe a sigh of relief. You actually have now made time for what's important.
In coaching many executives over the years, I've noted that when we apply this process, it creates all kinds of time for them to develop their communication strategies and skills. Suddenly, they have a ton of time to do things they know they should do, but never seem to have time for…such as brainstorm a "big idea" they want to present; practice a presentation so they "ace" it; prepare well for a meeting with the boss, etc.
What are you looking for on your calendar?
- Time to practice a really great presentation for the sales meeting;
- Time to work on a great story that makes a point for an employee meeting;
- Time to prepare to effectively answer Q and A for investor conference or a board meeting;
- Time to sit and talk, and perhaps coach a high potential leader in the company;
- Time to pick up the phone and communicate with a customer or prospect.
Be ruthless with your calendar. Your most precious commodity in life, and in business, is time. Make sure your calendar reflects your priorities. This is beyond "time management." It is business management, and life management!
Practice Techniques That Guarantee Success
By Jenna Furdon
Your pulse is racing, your palms are sweating and your knees are knocking as you step up to the microphone. You clear your throat, glimpse down at your notes, and feel all eyes focused on you. Your mind goes blank. You can’t remember how you wanted to start. Your heart pounds in your chest so loudly you’re sure the audience can hear it, and you swear to yourself you’ll never give a presentation again. And then you wake up.
Sound like your worst nightmare? You’re not alone: A widely quoted national survey concluded that public speaking was Americans’ number-one fear, even above death. Even successful business leaders, politicians and celebrities have anxiety throughout their careers. After 30 years on The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson’s heart rate doubled every night before he walked on stage. Like most of us, Johnny never got over those familiar symptoms of anxiety, yet he still became a household name because he learned how to manage his nerves through experience and preparation.
Fear of speaking isn’t a chronic, untreatable disease. While you may never avoid a flutter of nerves, you can learn to manage them at a comfortable level. The best, most fool-proof way to become comfortable and confident in the spotlight is to practice. Forget the old, inaccurate adage “practice makes perfect.” Practice makes prepared.
And yes, it’s true: The secret behind those speakers we label as “naturals” is preparation. There is no such thing as a born speaker, which means that you have the opportunity to improve your speaking skills no matter what your experience is.
Our 15 highly effective tips will guide you in the right direction. Although you may feel silly or embarrassed at first when you are practicing, you will soon discover that these tips are an essential part of your preparation for a real, live audience.
Practice Techniques That Guarantee Better Presentations
1. Set aside practice time. Don’t wait until the last minute. Depending upon the length of the talk, you may need to have a completed script a week or two in advance, so you can practice several times; put it onto your calendar as an appointment with yourself.
2. Practice out loud. You will become more comfortable hearing your own voice, an essential step in becoming a more powerful public speaker. This also commits the script to memory and allows you to make changes so it flows when you give the real presentation.
3. Use a mirror. Since you are your toughest critic, you will be able to recognize distracting gestures, awkward stances and wandering eye contact right away. Don’t use this technique until you have already practiced without the mirror, so you already know the material reasonably well.
4. Record audio and/or video. Playing back a recording of your speech will help you identify areas that need improvement. With an audio recording, you’ll be able to hear annoying vocal habits, areas of hesitation or uncertainty, and awkward sentence structures. A video recording is your best bet if you want.
5. Practice a minimum of 5-6 times. Everybody’s different, but gauge your preparation as you go. Make sure you know your speech well enough to deliver it naturally and conversationally without relying on your notes too much. You don’t want to go overboard—there is such thing as too much practice.
6. Don’t memorize. You are in too much danger of forgetting what you want to say. Learn concepts, practice phrasing, but don’t be a slave to saying it word for word the way it’s written.
7. Use a script or outline. But don’t be married to it. You should practice so much that the note cards, or loose script simply become a reference –start with a script, then bring the talk down to bullet points as you learn it. That will make you sound more natural.
8. Time your presentation. If you have a time requirement you must meet, timing your presentation will determine where you may need to eliminate or elaborate material.
9. Use a friendly test audience. Asking a trusted colleague or mentor to listen to your speech will help you begin to feel comfortable speaking in front of other people. Ask them for their observations—what they liked, what you might improve, if they understood your message.
10. Phrase for meaning. Learn how to speak in phrases, to change the pace and timing and make your voice more interesting by phrasing without using a sing-song voice. To know whether you are succeeding, record your talk and play it back, listening for phrasing.
11. Visualize success. As you practice learn how to see the audience in your mind’s eye. The more you can imagine the room, the people, the smiles, the applause, and yourself at the podium in control, the more successful you will be when the day comes.
12. Use positive self-talk. We find this is a powerful technique when used in combination with steady, devoted practice. Don’t tell yourself you’re going to just “get up there and get it over with.” Say, “I’m going to love this audience, I’m going to share something important, and they are going to get everything they wanted from this presentation!”
13. Practice eye contact, smiles and gestures. If you practice out loud only using the words, without the gestures, facial expressions and smile, you are bound to get up and fail to make the important non-verbal connections. This is as important to successful practice as learning your messages.
14. Avoid perfection. Audiences don’t need you to be perfect – they need you to be interesting. Perfectionism can ruin your experience, and the audience’s experience, too. If you beat yourself up over every little thing you didn’t say, you will never feel successful. Go with the idea that you are going to make sure this audience understands and enjoys the experience.
Focus on them, not you, and you’ll succeed.
15. Reward yourself. After you give a presentation, give yourself a pat on the back. Do something you enjoy to anchor the experience as a positive one. Have a massage, treat yourself to lunch, buy a book or something you have wanted so that the next time you’re asked to speak, your brain says “Sure—at the end of this is another reward!”
Your opportunity to become a better speaker begins today, with practice and preparation. Don’t succumb to self-doubt or the belief that you weren’t born to do this. Practicing your skills is the way to become great. If you put time into practice you will build confidence and poise, learn your material, and deliver it with panache.
Building a high-performing professional wardrobe has always been important to professional success, but today it is, without a doubt, more critical than ever. A competitive business climate means you have to stand out. Many companies that went “business casual” are haywire; people are showing up dressed for nightlife or soccer games, not for the office—and in doing so they are losing their professional edge. We hear so many complaints about the way people dress for work we could write a book. Just as you are what you eat, in the business world, you are what you wear.
Victoria Seitz, image consultant and author of Your Executive Image, says that in job interviews about 75 percent of the decision to hire is based on the applicant’s appearance. She also points out that within the first thirty seconds of an encounter, eleven assumptions, including credibility, are made about the person being presented. Though it may seem unfair, evidence like this demonstrates that your image alone has the potential to project your level of professionalism that can make or break your credibility. “In social or business settings, clothing acts as a communicator of ourselves, our company, and our position.” Clothing alone can communicate respect, authority, position, and credibility--and the way in which we use it affects the way others respond to us.
If you want to send out the right signals, what should you do? This is one of those challenges that is completely within your control. Since you are the one who makes those purchases, you can practice what Seitz calls “impression management.” Simply put, you have the ability to dress so that the impressions others form about you are the impressions you want them to form.
This is not to say that there is no room for expressing your individuality, or that you have to buy expensive clothing—you just must be able to communicate it in a way that also demonstrates your professional creativity, leadership potential, and confidence in yourself and your abilities.
So where do you begin? Our favorite corporate image consultant, Mary Lou Andre suggests, “Your appearance at work should match your ambitions.” In her new book Dressing Well: An Organized Approach to Style, to be published later this year, Andre recommends visualizing the image you want to have once you’ve achieved your career goals. Do you look credible?
Could you walk in the door tomorrow, take on that promotion, and look the part? If not, you must build your current wardrobe. Andre adds, “Remember, dress for the job you want, not the one you have.”
To begin this process of revamping your wardrobe, start noticing people you admire in your industry your workplace, and your position. Become keenly aware of the nuances of respected professionals in your field and you will usually pinpoint the right image. If you work in a more creative field, the looser, more relaxed style of “business casual” is acceptable. If you are in a corporate position or sales where you regularly meet with clients, opt for a formal, conservative look. The bottom line is, as Andre states, “If you want the job, you have to look the part. If you want the promotion, you have to look promotable. If you want respect, you have to dress at or above your industry standards.”
Once you have noticed what people you respect are wearing, start adjusting your own wardrobe, building slowly. The importance of sending the correct messages cannot be stressed enough, because as Andre says, “Your professional image is the most important factor in showing management where you want to go within the organization.” Andre adds, “It also can help you gain the respect of colleagues and establish instant trust and credibility with clients who are making critical decisions about your company and its products and services.”
Your professional wardrobe should suggest your preparedness for different situations, the importance you place on your job, and the respect you have for yourself and others. Clothing that is low-quality or inappropriate demonstrates carelessness for your appearance and a lack of respect for the impact you have on your company, which leads people to question how much value you really place on your job. Keep your clothing updated, making sure you have classic pieces, comfortable fits, and year-round fabrics to get the most mileage and confidence out of your closet.
To make sure that your image communicates a high level of professionalism, Andre suggests making three words your mantra when choosing your clothing or while shopping:
1. Appropriateness.
Make sure your clothing consistently and appropriately complements your work environment.
2. Boundaries.
Proper coverage at the neckline and hemline, and draws attention to your face.
3. Respect.
Demonstrate respect for yourself and others by considering how others view your clothing choices.
You do not need to have the best fashion sense, biggest closet, or deepest pockets to create a credible professional image. You do not need to look like a factory-manufactured professional, either. Remember that your image is not just about your clothing, but is a reflection of your total persona. Your individuality communicates self-confidence, creativity, and leadership. The key is to project your uniqueness while maintaining the appropriateness for your profession, and you will build the credibility you need to succeed.
To get more “dressing well” tips from Mary Lou Andre, visit Organization By Design’s website at www.dressingwell.com.
By Sarah Woods
One of the most common questions among business owners and corporate leaders is “How can we increase revenues?” The answer might be to build sales, expand market share, extend product offerings, or reduce expenses. The formulas are the same among most companies. But what can differentiate you is your ability to leverage what works into revenue growth.
Here’s what you can’t influence – the economy, the business climate in your industry, what your competition is doing, and to some extent, the resources you have to work with. So what can you influence? The answer lies with your customers.
It is human nature to equate growth with change. After all, it’s been said that “if the shoe fits, you’re not allowing for growth.” However, consider the missed opportunity for growth if you view increasing sales as a purely linear process… asking only “who else needs our products or services?” Most companies invest their marketing budgets on extending the company’s reach by providing “air-cover” for sales efforts, and teeing up new opportunities. But one of the most overlooked yet richest sources of new revenue comes from your existing customer base.
Your satisfied customers already buy in to the value you offer. Your unsatisfied customers bought in, but were disappointed. Within both groups are ripe opportunities for new revenues…but you must tap them. How will you increase revenues? By reconnecting with your customers, and building long-term value that will generate new business repeatedly over the life of those relationships.
So instead of racking your brain to uncover undiscovered markets, follow some simple steps to leverage what works:
- Put in the time and money to know your customers. If you don’t have a database that gives you easy access to who’s buying your product or service, build one…it’ll pay you back in spades.
- Mine your data. Use the resources you have to know who’s buying WHAT, WHEN, WHY and HOW. Whether you have comprehensive data on purchasing history and customer satisfaction indices or simply an accounts receivable report, you have information you can use to build new sales.
- Get back in touch. Your sales organization would love nothing more than to reconnect with a happy customer…if they only knew who they were. Believe it or not, they would also love nothing more than to talk with an unhappy one. Every unhappy customer is an opportunity.
- Get strategic. If they bought that product or service then, they may need this product or service NOW. Know the lifecycle of what you offer, and the prompts in your current customer’s life when the next cycle will come around. THAT’S your moment of opportunity. Help them plan for it.
- Become a partner…you’ll gain an advocate. If the name of the game is increasing the VALUE of the relationship with your customer base over the life of that relationship – do so by knowing how to solve their problems before they know they have them.
Every business has a wealth of new revenues that lie untapped year after year in the file cabinets and databases of their organization. You have the opportunity to either leverage that unparalleled resource, or let it languish and ultimately, dissolve. As the 19th century novelist George Elliot said, “The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice”.
FOUR SIMPLE STRATEGIES TO WIN NEW CLIENTS AND KEEP THE ONES YOU HAVE
As the erosion of faith in corporate America continues, we are left wondering just who we can trust. It’s not surprising that a recent CBS News poll revealed that only one out of four Americans trusts corporate executives.
The Boston Globe recently noted that “when stockholders cannot accept the word of accountants, or when people routinely believe politicians lie,
markets collapse and public cynicism reaches toxic levels.” And regardless of what analysts are telling us, the public’s anger and fear is not entirely irrational.
Restoring public confidence will take more than an act of Congress. Like Goldilocks, once we’ve come eyeball to eyeball with the wolf under the bedcovers, we won’t come back to Grandma’s with our picnic basket anytime soon. Somebody needs to put the wolves away and make it harder for them to sneak into Grandma’s bed in the first place.
While Congress and America’s executives reflect on how to rebuild corporate credibility – the rest of us need to figure out how we can protect ours. As W. Michael Hoffman, executive director of Bentley College’s Center for Business Ethics said, “good people can be brought down by institutions. I hear it all the time from corporations – ‘everyone here is an ethical person.’ As soon as you fall into the trap of ethical complacency, it’s the moment when you’re in the most danger.”
I asked reputable stock analyst how she decides when companies she covers are telling her the truth. Her method is pretty simple. “Businesses that are credible have simple, straightforward business models—they can easily explain how they are going to sell their products, pay their bills and make a profit,” she said.
Even if your company’s stock isn’t traded on the NYSE or the Nasdaq, making it simple to understand your operations will help you build trust with clients and customers. You have to be able to easily communicate how you do things. People are in no mood to put up with shenanigans.
They want straight talk. Here’s how to give it to them:
Be relevant – If you give people as much relevant, factual information as you can, you give them a chance to evaluate the facts and reach their own conclusion. They will most likely be persuaded that you are credible, when you tell them what they need to know without a lot of hocus-pocus.
Simplify your language – Get rid of both technical jargon and euphemisms. I remember reading that at Enron, as far back as 1995, management would not allow staff to use the term “losses,” insisting instead on “maintaining value” as they shifted red ink from one entity to the next. This twisted language allowed intelligent employees to fool themselves into believing that these were sound, acceptable business practices.
Listen – Stop talking and start listening. Yes, we all know how important it is to listen. But I read recently about a highly successful auto dealer who actually put it to work, and made a fortune.
He didn’t grow up in the fast-talking culture of car sales – so, when he became a car dealer he taught his sales people to listen more than they spoke. He insisted they restrain themselves from mentioning any of the details or features of a car, until they had asked questions and found out exactly what they customer wanted. He credits that strategy for helping him build a single dealership into a regional empire.
Act with Integrity – even when nobody’s looking. Here’s a story told to me by the president of a wire manufacturing plant in Chicago. A young guy working on his loading dock reported to a supervisor he had received extra spools on a shipment from a supplier. He went to his supervisor, wondering if they could get away with just handing the guy a check for what they ordered, without paying for the overage. As the president listened discreetly, he was pleased to hear the supervisor say no, they would write a check for the difference. The honest supervisor later wondered allowed in the President’s office, why the kid would even ask. “It was a test,” said the President. “The kid wants to know what kind of a company he’s working for.”
What kind of company are you working for, or running? We have to be listening and watching, making sure that even when nobody’s looking, people are acting with integrity.
Many businesses that have not already done so are considering ethics policies for their companies.
That’s not a bad exercise. But Enron and Arthur Andersen had ethics policies. A written
document is no guarantee that you have built an ethical organization.
The key to credible communication isn’t creating a maze with language – it is helping people walk the labyrinth, until they get it. Simple language not only creates understanding, but accountability, because everybody knows what you’re doing and why. And as we all know by now, accountability has been sorely missed these days.
By Meredith O'Connor
As Suzanne was ending a call with a prospective client, who’s first name was Elizabeth, she said, “Thanks Kelly! Talk to you in a few weeks.”
As she hung up the phone, she winced. And so did I! I knew she’d be kicking herself! What a gaffe!
How can you make that mistake?! As it turns out, this prospective client’s last name was Keller.
Kelly. Keller. Kelly. Keller. Easy to see how that happened.
When you use someone’s name in conversation, it makes them feel appreciated and comfortable with you. We all love to hear the sound of our own name. But using the wrong name can have the opposite of the intended effect.
How do you avoid such a blunder? And how can you become better at remembering names in every business situation?
Let’s face it - everyone gets stuck in a whirlwind once in a while. You’re on the go, with six meetings in one afternoon, breakfast and evening events, burning the candle on both ends. You can barely remember your own name, never mind every name of the 45 people you speak to in one day!
Here’s a great technique for phone conversations – so you don’t have to remember who’s on the other end of the line.
When you’re talking to someone you don’t know very well, make sure to keep their name in front of you. It can be a business card, their database record, a simple piece of paper. Just keep their name in front of you – it will remind you to use it in the context of the conversation and it will be there in case you have a “memory lapse.”
Sometimes the problem isn’t matching a face to a name, but a name to a face. Say you’re in your office – it’s the calm after the storm. You’ve finally gotten through all the events, meetings, etc...when your phone rings. It’s Frank who says you met at “insert event name here” on Tuesday night.
Frank, Frank, Frank – you frantically try and recall meeting a Frank on Tuesday. But you had conversations with 10 or 15 people! What to do?
Now, if you’re already at this point – there’s nothing to do but ‘fess up and ask him to clarify who he is. But there’s a great technique to prepare for this type of situation – something you could have done on Tuesday night.
Say that within the context of your conversation, Frank mentioned his love for sailing. Make note of this – on the back of Frank’s business card. When you get back to your office, keep this information handy – put it in your database. When Frank calls, you access his contact information, see the reference to sailing and immediately visualize the conversation you had with Frank. The phone call starts out much more smoothly.
Remember some of these other tips for remembering names and using names appropriately in conversation:
• Mentally note the name when it is spoken.
• Repeat the name while saying, “Glad to meet you Mr. ________.”
• Use the name in conversation a few times.
• Ask to repeat the name if you miss it.
By the way, how do you handle it when you blow it? Apologize and poke fun at yourself.
Suzanne immediately sent a note, and Elizabeth returned with a gracious response. In fact, she became a client. All’s well that ends well.
By Suzanne Bates
In business, you can never be afraid to “break bread” with people – colleagues, clients, or any other potential collaborators. The idea of a business lunch can bring on anxiety, but business meals are actually a wonderful and effective way to do business.
Over a meal, you can relax, really get to know people by moving from business to social topics, and, ultimately, build relationships and create positive experiences that can become lasting memories.
Business meals are also a great way to take the measure of a person. For example, you wouldn't want to hire someone without first having a meal with them, especially if they will have external responsibility or a leadership role.
Over a meal, you can truly learn a lot about how someone handles themselves. It is important for a person to know dinner and social etiquette if they are to represent you and your company.
I have meals in my office and with colleagues frequently. Here are a few tips that always help me to feel comfortable doing business over a meal:
• Choose Where You Dine Carefully
This sends a loud and clear signal about you. If convenience is important to your guest, choose the nicest business lunch restaurant in your area. If you want to impress, go out of your way to choose an upscale, trendy, or interesting place. You should scout the location out or dine there before so that you know it's conducive to doing business. Too quiet, and you’ll have to whisper about business; too loud, and you’ll have to shout.
• When You Make Your Reservation, Let Them Know It's A Business Lunch
This way, the restaurant can prepare to place you in the appropriate area and there is a better chance of having a mistake-free encounter with a client.
• Plan Ahead and Be Sure That You Have Reserved Enough Time to be Ready
Always arrive at the restaurant before your guest to secure your table. Seating matters, so pick a great spot with the fewest possibledistractions – you don't want to get stuck near the kitchen door. When your guestgets there, suggest they sit in the best seat at the table.
•Whether Dining at a Restaurant or in Your Office, Always Take Charge As the Host
Provide a menu, the proper setting, drinks, a comfortable place to sit, etc.
• It Goes Without Saying that Most People Do Not Drink at Lunch
The era of the three martini lunch is long past. Having said that, if your guest wants to have a drink at lunch, by all means make them feel comfortable and then make your own decision about whether you want to partake.
• Eating is Secondary!
The purpose of a business lunch is to interact with an important contact, not necessarily to explore a daring new recipe that you’ve been dying to sample. Also, only order “peripheral” menu items, appetizers, or dessert, if one or more of your guests does so. I
f you’re the guest, also order these courses only if others appear interested as well.
• You Can Follow Your Diet, Just Do So Discreetly
If you're following a special diet to lose weight or for specific health reasons, don’t subject your guest to lengthy explanations. Instead, call the restaurant ahead of time and have the entrees explained to you.
• Plan Around Foods That Are Difficult To Eat
I always order the easiest thing to eat on the menu, even if it’s not what I am particularly craving at that moment.
Things like corn on the cob, big sandwiches, and ribs are obviously out, but even something as simple as a salad can be tricky, so choose wisely to avoid spills later.
• Your Job as the Host is to Guide the Conversation
Lunch usually affords you a little more time than breakfast for pleasantries. Also, dinner has a different connotation than lunch, and many people take offense to doing business over dinner, so be sure you understand the expectations for the meal beforehand.
• Spend Time Getting To Know People
I have found that you attract people to you, and they want to do business with you, when you appear unhurried and are genuinely interested in getting to know them as people. My financial advisor is a master at this. We always get our business completed and spend plenty of time reviewing my portfolio, but I walk away feeling it was mostly a pleasant conversation with a friend.
• If You Are the Host You Always Pay The Bill
Whether in your office or a restaurant, never accept money from your guest under any circumstance.
To better learn the rules of dining etiquette, there are plenty of good books out there such as Business Etiquette by Ann Marie Sabath or Letitia Baldridge’s New Complete Guide to Executive Manners. You'll be able to feel more comfortable if you know which bread plate is yours and which fork is for dessert. Also, know how to handle a napkin. And it may sound like a no-brainer, but resist the temptation to speak with food in your mouth.
Always remember that guests order first!
Fair or not, people make all kinds of assumptions about your professionalism based on how you conduct yourself at lunch. Many people will make a final decision about doing business with you or hiring you after sharing a meal. So next time a client invites you to meal, don't miss the opportunity to show them that you know how to confidently navigate the “working lunch.”
Have you ever had a boss that really listened to you?
Chances are, if you did, that boss was your all time favorite.
Why does this matter, or should it matter, for any business? Because people who believe their bosses listen feel valued and connected to the organization. Companies spend millions of dollars every year on employee engagement surveys, and spend hours in meetings trying to brainstorm ways to make employees happier. Mostly what employees want are the simple things, like a boss who cares about their opinions.
I rarely meet a person who tells me that he or she is a bad listener. We think we’re pretty good at it. Yet our experience in the world proves otherwise. Most of us have only a few friends and colleagues who truly listen to us.
Some of us are autobiographical listeners. We don't necessarily listen with an open mind, let alone reply with one. How can we become a focused listener? What mental cues can we give ourselves to listen better? What should we be listening for?
Here are 6 tips that will change every single meeting you have with a colleague or employee.
- Value a "listening mindset." A listening mindset is one that values others and respects their opinions. What we're really talking about is how you "live" the golden rule -- to treat others as we want to be treated. All of us want other people to value our opinions and respect us as individuals. You earn that opportunity every day, by valuing and respecting others.
- Avoid jumping to conclusions. This is one of the most damaging things you can do to a relationship. Even if you think you've heard it before, you may be wrong. For example, if someone makes a mistake or you hear of a problem that involves them, invite them in and start by asking them this question: "What happened?" Then, allow them to explain. If you begin with a corrective message or assumption it was their fault, they will shut down. You haven't given them the opportunity to share what happened from their point of view. Never fall for the "first person in the door" routine -- in other words, don't assume the first person to complain has the correct perspective on the situation.
- Ask open-ended questions. This is the most important thing you can do when trying to sell or influence others. You must ask great questions and keep asking until you fully understand all aspects of their position. People are not interested in what you know until they see you're interested in what they know. Open ended questions allow you to become a person of influence, as you gather critical information that can help you find the win-win. In sales, an open ended question can lead to such a productive conversation that the prospect actually sells himself on working with you.
- Stop multi-tasking. Focused listening requires all of you. It is tempting to multi-task, especially if you are talking with someone on the phone. I once had a client who used to check email while on long conference calls with her sales team. The outcome was she was not fully present, and they knew it, so they kept talking, hoping to win her over. And, as she tried to write while listening, her emails also suffered. When she changed her approach, and did one task at a time she dramatically cut down the length of her calls, which gave her more time to manage her email.
- Balance confidence with humility. What makes a focused listener stand out is the fact that they don't believe they have all the answers. They are willing to admit that their experiences are important, but that no one has a corner on the "truth." Humility is a very fine quality in a person, especially when you balance it with the confidence of experience. Every great leader I've ever worked with has a nice balance of these two qualities.
- Listen with all of you. We often hear the advice to fully focus on people, to look them in the eye, open up our arms and use relaxed body language. What you may not know is that this is not just for the benefit of the person who is speaking. It's for your own benefit, too. When you look people in the eye, and open up your body language, you are giving your own brain a cue to stay focused and to be open to what they have to say. It is so much easier to listen in a focused way when you physically "listen," too.